drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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