I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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