Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
