batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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