My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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