you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
