you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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