Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
