my vag is so smooth its legendary
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
