I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
