Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
