...so i touched it.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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