How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
