You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Randomize
