Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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