planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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