I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
