i was born a porn star she said
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
