"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
