I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
