I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
