dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
