i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
