I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
