Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
