You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
