I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
