So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He has the fingertips of a God
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