I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
