This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
