k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
