we're blogging at a bar
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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