i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The air was thick with penises
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
