Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
