You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
