know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
