Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today

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(314): View more from Missouri

So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?

(816): View more from Missouri

Most never. Some around 65.

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(602): View more from Arizona

This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...

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(908): View more from New Jersey

....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore

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(507): View more from Minnesota

I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"

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(614): View more from Ohio

I peed in front of kids, unfortunately

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person

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