Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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