His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
where are my eyebrows?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
