I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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