Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
