He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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