I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
sarcasm needs its own font
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
