Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
