Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
