Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
