i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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