For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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