He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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