her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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